Collecting (healing) Breadcrumbs
I am a healing breadcrumb collector and it has changed everything for me as a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist. I now consider that we are all moving through our lives with the opportunity to collect our healing things as we go that will create our trusted and unique-to-us toolboxes. What this means, at the most basic level, is that we always have an opportunity and choice to keep what works for us, adapt what could work for us and leave the rest.
If you are an avid reader like me and, also like me, believed that the next non-fiction or 'self-help' book you lined up to read was going to be the one that 'fixed you' then you'll know, too, that slightly disappointed feeling when it doesn't quite hit right 100% of the time. Or when it doesn't align with you much at all...but...and also...there is usually some little nugget of goodness that sticks. Something that rings true or shares a needed perspective or inspires something in you.
Books written by other people aren't ever going to give us everything we need for our own healing work (and when I say books I also mean courses, coaches, readers, therapists, authors, teachers, healers, partners, supports etc). That's because they aren't being written by us for us. That's not really the point and to give over all our power to someone else telling us exactly how to do our lives is wildly misplaced. But we can look out for the breadcrumbs. In some places the breadcrumbs are bountiful. In others it's a measly little scrap but usually there is something. The gift of taking that something and integrating it into our toolboxes while purposefully choosing to leave the rest is some next level self-trust and self-care stuffs.
The anti-perfectionism comes from knowing that we are not suppose to do our lives like anyone else is doing theirs and that it is perfectly acceptable (and encouraged) to try things out and on before we keep or bin. And the anti-people pleasing come from knowing that we don't need to do things the way someone else expects us to; that we don't owe anyone a life they expect of us. We are all allowed to fold in what works for us and leave, with respect, what doesn't. No one person is going to be able to write a 'how to' guide for our lives. That is for us to curate as we move through it. It's like being on a grand and wildly wonderful treasure hunt.
The Star is such a wonderful ally in our healing work. If we are available and open to what wants to be shared with us, we will find little healing supports in so much of what we encounter as we move through our lives. Lindsay Mack speaks about the Star card like this...
The Star is so powerful in that way because it really will just kind of lay all these different pieces in our path, and we can take them or not take them, but when we're actually able to surrender to it, it wants and will help us to go so much deeper than we ever thought.
It could be really beautiful to take some time to notice the healing breadcrumbs we have each collected and the toolboxes we have built up for ourselves so we can see the ways we know ourselves better than anyone else possibly could.
It may be worth noting if there are any gaps in the toolbox or outdated 'tools' that are no longer needed.
It may be healing to spend some time expressing gratitude to the contributors we have learned from along the way (even just privately) and to remember that we are also contributors to other folks' toolboxes.
I love how wildly different each person's breadcrumbs and toolboxes are. When I work with folks, so much of what we do is to assess and curate parts of their own personal toolboxes and it's a real privilege to get to see a wee bit how others can and do this for themselves. If this is something you'd like a little support with, I'm here for it. I have a variety of offerings for us to work together which can be found here.
Sending all the love and solidarity in this healing breadcrumb collecting realm. I'm treasure hunting for them too.
Jenny
Just a loving reminder to take aligned action today in some way towards justice for Palestine. Call, email, share, create, advocate, donate, protest...which ever is in your wheelhouse to do. We all have our thing and they are beautiful.
