A Love Note for the Eternal Optimist Who is Chronically Anxious.
It's me.
I am also someone who is eternally optimistic whilst holding real, shaky breathed anxiety. And honestly, who's not anxious these days? If, like me, you believe at your core in the goodness of people and that we are capable of hugely healing things yet you also hold all the fear and rage from what we are witnessing then this love note is for you (because I honestly love us so much).
I've always had the 9 of Swords and 9 of Cups waring inside me. That swing from 'what if..?' doom and gloom to 'what if...?' hopeful and optimistic. I know I work best from the place of the more positive what ifs and thinkings but I also know better than to ignore or dismiss my 9 of Swords things. They are good data.
When I let myself get curious about them rather than be pulled down by them, I can see how they are trying to keep me safe. I can see how they are sharing with me where my fears and worries may lay and those fears and worries aren't random, not at all.
Those fears and worries illuminate:
wounds that need a little TLC
things that feel out of my control
areas I don't feel skilled at navigating
ways I may need a little outside perspective
ways I could benefit from someone else's tools
where humanity is lacking
what isn't aligning with my core values
something that needs to be rectified
And how do we hold ourselves whole and connected when we are pulled in such contrasting ways? It's really challenging and can feel like a full time job but possible.
We let ourselves embrace it all, we let ourselves ebb + flow and we do that while deeply knowing who we are at our core and that we can be trusted with our own curiosity, adjustments and healing.
And of course we remember that both/and is our magic spell.
One of the most loving gifts we can give to ourselves is to allow ourselves be whole humans with all the bits that entails. Nothing good ever comes from ignoring any part of ourselves, right? We know this now.
Lots of love (and solidarity),
Jenny
